Being Undervalued

As I am evolving, I have observed that when you do good for people and they show gratitude or acknowledge the goodness you’ve done, you will always want to do more. This is not to say that when a person does something good they should expect something in return but a thankful heart and gratitude go a long way.

This is one of the things I had to look at before ending my year in 2022. If you read my previous blog post, you would have noted how I was at a point in my life where I was frustrated. I felt like the walls were closing in on me and there was nothing that I could do. The second part of my year was an indication to me that those tough and uncomfortable decisions needed to be made for my sanity, my mental health, and the sake of my son. I was anxious half of the time; it came to a point where even when I had to go out with friends I would sometimes postpone and want to stay at home because I was unhappy and unfulfilled.

So the change came on the last week before office closure. We were submitting our leave forms for the December holidays when my boss sent me an e-mail informing me that she has a new position for me as a Personal Assistant to the CEO and COO of a new Company that was acquired by the group. She stated that I would be starting on the 9th of January, be on probation for three months (keep in mind that I was a permanent employee) and if I don’t impress these people then, unfortunately, there was nowhere else she could place me within the group.

I was at a point in my life where I could even care less about what would happen because I made a conscious decision immediately after reading the e-mail that this is where I draw the line. It was no longer about the money or security of getting a paycheck at the end of the month. It was a personal matter, one of which I had to choose myself, I had to love myself enough to say, THIS IS IT! A Bachelor of Arts Degree in Politics and Sociology, with an Honors Degree in Politics, and a BCOM Degree later and I would be reduced to a PA? It could never be me; I was exhausted!

I replied to her e-mail and informed her that unfortunately, I would not be accepting the position as it is not aligned with the direction I would like my career to take in the future. I understand that the Company I am currently working for will be closing soon and if she doesn’t have anywhere else she can place me within the group, I fully understand, she must do what she has to do with the matter.

In less than an hour, the retrenchment letter was coming through, and there was a meeting set up with the Department of Labour consultant to oversee the retrenchment process and that was the beginning of my freedom.

I will not lie and say I was fine when I had to leave. I was upset, angry, disappointed, felt betrayed, and felt like I let myself down for wasting 5 years of my life in a Company where I would leave with no experience but just a qualification to my name. I was sold “a dream” and I kept on holding on to it and focusing on obtaining it so much that I lost my drive, purpose, my vision, and mostly MY DREAM. I was livid. I could not stop crying because I kept thinking, had I left earlier on, maybe I would have been in a different position in my career, even if it would not be where I wanted to be but it would have been the step in the right direction.

Nothing hurts like being undervalued, be it from a friendship, family, or workplace perspective. It hurts when you are going out of your way to getting things done, doing more than you are supposed to while carrying a positive spirit even though everything within you is telling you to give up. My outlook on life has always been positive. I am an optimistic soul even during chaos, I always know that it will pass and things will get back to normal so for me to be frustrated to the point where I see no way out, I despised every moment of it.

I fought to be seen, I fought to be heard, and I fought until I could no longer fight because I finally admitted to myself, as painful as it was, that my situation will not change in this Company, I exhausted all my avenues up until the Chairperson of the Company who knew me personally and whom I have done work for in the past and there was NOTHING! For someone who knows their potential and capabilities, I started doubting if what I believe about myself is the truth or if I am just misleading myself into believing something that is not there. I wanted them to see so badly that I am worthy of something and that I can be an asset to the Company if I am given a breakthrough but alas, I was disappointed.

It's almost a month of being unemployed and I have taken some time to reflect on what has happened, I spent a lot of time trying to understand how I am feeling and why I am feeling that way about everything that has transpired. A lot of introspection took place and is still taking place. I am finding myself again, waking up with no worries, and no anxiety but just looking forward to the day ahead and what it has in store for me. I cannot say that I am not enjoying this freedom of time that I now have, I am more present in everything that I do and it’s a feeling that I have missed for a long time.

If there is a lesson that this experience has taught me is to always choose myself because if I don’t, who will? I have learned to always be intentional with everything that I invest my time in. If it will not help me grow or it is not aligned with MY future aspirations, then I will not even bother entertaining it. My happiness and peace of mind come first to me, therefore I must make sure that it's always protected, no matter what the cost.

This chapter I am currently in is that of faith, hope, discernment, and intention. I am focusing on things that I love and that make me fulfilled and happy, that’s where my head is currently at and I am feeling so liberated.

Let’s make the most of this new year, always practice love and kindness, and wake up to appreciate and be grateful for each day that we are gifted with. TO Twenty-Twenty Free!!!!!!